When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
