we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
