I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
