I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
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Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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