Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i love accidental penises.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
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