Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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