either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
