I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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