i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
