I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
