well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
