this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
