I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
where are my eyebrows?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
