just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
