Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
