Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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