Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
