'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
