oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
