You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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