i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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