We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
