oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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