well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Don't tell me you're on acid again
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
