You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
