Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
