you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
