Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
