My room smells like vodka and shame
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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