someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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