You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
