I think im going to throw up on grandma
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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