is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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