I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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