Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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