The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
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Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
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Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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