are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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