PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
