ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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