I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
