Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize