It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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