I think my vagina is haunted
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
