Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
