Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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