k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We have started to decorate penises.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
