I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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