I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
