Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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