is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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