Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
