You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
