I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
