totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize