Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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