So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
