Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
