I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
