1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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