i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
