I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You did what with his pubic hair?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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