You don't have asthma, your pregnant
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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