I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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