I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
