I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize