If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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