All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Randomize
