i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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