You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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