I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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