I think I just saw someone hide a body.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Can I color on your dick again?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Randomize
